I wrote this during a very difficult time in my life. This was extremely traumatizing to go through and I’m so grateful for all the support I was given by the people I love ❤
How are you all today? and Happy Valentines day! Or if your like me national single appreciation day 😉Anyway, in school we have been talking about the concept of bravery a lot. In english we had to write a essay on bravery. I couldn’t think of anything that I had ever done that was brave. After class my teacher pulled me aside and asked me about my paper. I told her I had nothing to write about. She asked me what I thought being brave was. I couldn’t answer, I didn’t know. I was so confused I went home and just came up with lists of stuff that I have done that I believe is brave.
The next day when I went to school and my really close friend, Madi, told me something about a mutual friend of ours, lets call him J. He told her he was going to end his life. Hearing that sent me into panic mode. Having almost lost my best friend to suicide and having gone through it myself I was so worried. J had a very bad childhood and has a lot of mental problems. In the past he’s called me at 2 am saying he was going to end his life. I would talk to him until he calmed down and fell asleep. A few weeks ago I got a call around 10pm. It was J, he was on the highway going 70 and his brakes blew out. He called me to talk to someone he loved and to say goodbye. I lost my mind, I was sobbing thinking I lost a friend. I later found out that he could have stopped his car, but he wanted to crash. This was one of many attempts to take his own life.
Recently his best friend died in a car crash and a family member died. He has been super depressed and suicidal. Last night I decided that I was finally going to tell someone. I went to group therapy and asked to talk the doctor who runs the practice in private. I told her everything from his childhood to the recent suicide attempts. She comforted me and listened until I had nothing more to say. She asked me to sign a release form, letting her be able to call child services and my school. I knew that calling child services means he was going to be admitted into a hospital. All I wanted to do was get him help and keep him alive. So I signed it.
All of last night I was just going through different scenarios of how he would react. I didn’t sleep a wink at all. By the time the morning came around I was a mess. It was all I could think about, but only assuming the worst. I called in sick to work and canceled everything for the day. I then called my friend, Jack from school to see if he could meet and have a chat with me. Jack is 18 and basically my older brother, he’s the person I go to whenever I have a problem. He met me at school and I broke down and told him everything. He hugged me while I cried and told me I was so brave for finding him help. I know I did the right thing but I just can’t help but think that it will make everything worse. Jack and I went into the councilors office and talked to her about it all she took us up to the owner of the school and had us tell her too. She informed us that she would be calling his parents and child services. It was like a weight being lifted off my shoulders.
When I first met Jack at the school I saw J and all of my friends and I was a mess. Tear stained face, messy hair, and sweats. All during the time I was in the councilors office I was getting texts from J and my friends asking where I was or if I was ok. Just as I was about to leave the school J grabbed me and demanded I tell him what was happening. I couldn’t say anything, my mind was blank. Thankfully Jack swooped in and took me to his car. I am so grateful to have friends like him ❤
Later in the day around 3 I got a text from J saying “I might thank you later.You know i would have never done anything about it.” My heart broke but I was also extremely thankful. He texted me later, angry. He was mad at me for what I did but that doesn’t matter to me. I know he’s safe and thats all I care about. It was an extremely hard decision to make to find help but I’m so glad that he is safe. I am pretty sure he has been admitted into a hospital but I can’t be sure. All I care about is that he is safe and alive.
Thanks for listening