In my 16 years I’ve had more revelations and epiphanies than most people have in life time. I’ve taken past traumas and pain and turned it into hope and courage. I’ve learned that nothing lasts forever. and thats ok. I’ve spent my entire life worrying about what other people thought of me, and not what I thought of myself. You hear in movies and tv shows that you cant truly love someone until you love yourself. I used to think it was such utter bullshit and was so dumb. After I realized I wanted my life to change and up and moved 3000 miles to “find myself”, I realized just how naive I was. I had been in love before, and it thought i could never love someone anymore that I loved this person. Boy was I wrong. I spent 6 hours 6 days a week in therapy for an entire summer. I learned more about who I was as a person in those 2 months than I did in those past 16 years. I can honestly say that I fell in love with the person I was becoming. I become someone who I had always wanted to be. Sure I make mistakes, I have bad days, I cry, I get sad, angry, frustrated. But thats what makes me, me. I’ve learned that you can’t be one thing in your life, just like you cant feel just one thing. I get mad, I get sad, I make irrational choices sometimes, so does everyone else. But I also laugh, and feel joy, and live everyday knowing that tomorrow isn’t going to be like today. It could be better. Or it could be worse. But then, you start a new day. Bad days are gonna happen, but so are good days. You cannot live in constant fear that there’s gonna be a bad day, cause without even realizing it, those have become your bad days. So enjoy it. take too many selfies, eat too much junk food, take that road trip, kiss that boy, take that leap of faith. You are never going to be complete. Your going to grow and change and meet new people, experience new things. Thats fucking scary it is. But just know that only you can change your life. your happiness doesn’t depend on someone else, but at the same time surround your self with people that make you feel happy.
I’ve learned and accepted that its not my responsibility to make other people not feel “negative emotions”. Sometimes you have to do things just for you and not worry about others.
Everything in life is temporary. Every Emotion only lasts 90 seconds. Thats as temporary as it gets. I struggled so much accepting this. That nothing lasts forever, you can never go back to the way things were. And yah it sucks sometimes. It sucks that you’ll never get to relive that day with those people, or feel that overwhelming sense of love. But it also means you get to have new days. Days that could change your life. Meet people who will alter your life forever. The hardest part is accepting that not everyone is always going to be there. People grow, move on, drift apart, fall out. And you’ll never get that same relationship with anyone else. You won’t. but that doesn’t mean you won’t gain new relationships. maybe better ones.
lil bit of insight of my mind lately.. gets a bit heavy in there but thats life right?